June 24, 2013

My Head Is In My Bag

A few basic things that one should naturally assume about most of lady's bags are that: 1 they defy all the laws of physics, 2 they're much bigger on the inside, 3 things inside often go missing without a clue, but 4 most of the things that an average human being or two might need are probably there. That is unless the owner of the bag needs one those things, in that case only no. 3 is applicable. And although this is pretty much a common knowledge it might be written into some kind of laws of *physics or thermodynamics, just to make it official.

I remember a moment when I desperately stuck my head inside my bag one day and said -I'm gonna get in this bag and go to *expletive*, while trying to retrieve keys or something similar from it. Naturally, this sounds much better, angrier and dirtier in Serbian, but you get the point. And despite the fact that I always hid my bag, back in University, from a friend that adored roaming around people's bags, the internet in-my-bag craze got me crazy too. So I thought why not and while we're here let's do one more useful thing, let's see how much weight do we carry.

- First, the sunglasses not just to be pretty but because it's 2000 degrees and both Celsius, Fahrenheit and everyone else are scorched (about 50 g).

- Tiny make up bag and tiny make up that I rarely need and use but I always have and also if I didn't have I would often need (laws of physics as I said). Labello is always inside, in one of these darker shades. My favourite is passion fruit, but I currently use pomegranate because last passion fruit Labello I had was eaten by the bag and I can't find it in stores any more. And I love the dark ones because they are light but leave the lips stained and it's pretty and it's not wearing make up when it's 2000 degrees outside. Inside this tiny bag I also stick a pen, a hair clip and another lip balm that I almost never use but it's always there (physics!) (about 50 g).

- Mirror, that's this princess thing between pen and lip balms, can't fit inside the make up bag but the princess picture is 3D, she closes her eyes. Ridiculous, but that's the reason why I haven't replaced it for 5 years.The mirror is useful for when I get something in my eye or for spying purposes (about 20g).

- This is one book that I get to carry around and I can read on the bus since it has about 10 pages and a monster at the end. It's the most popular with my little gang of students so I often have it in the bag and it makes me happy  (about 20g).

- A bouncy ball (!?) I know, I know... but see above (about 30g).
- And this pretty sunny wood hides the thoughts of a ridiculous mind, all the crazy ideas, so far unseen calculations of approximate weight of a girl's bag and grocery shopping lists... it's mu notebook
 (about 10g, not including the weight of the ridiculous mind).

- My wallet and a disclaimer: no zebras were harmed in the making of it, maybe just a sofa... (average weight in Serbian, or any other, currency  close to 0, in grams about 100).

- The blue case is for my phone which I forgot to put inside for the picture but you must assume it's inside since it's a phone case, OK? And, just to mention another weird fact, this case makes people want to hold it, stroke it and repeatedly squeeze it, I suppose it's because it's the silicon rubber...
(weight with the phone inside about 140 g).

- The little metal box - You know when someone ask for a tissue and you dig around your bag and victoriously pull out what you think is a bag of tissue but is in fact a completely different feminine product. Well, this box is a saver from the said embarrassment, which use to repeatedly happen to the owner of this bag, but no more confusion (about 20g).

My camera is orange and always, I mean always in it's purple case in my bag. Since I got the new phone it has been a bit neglected, I admit, but it's still always, and I mean always in my bag (but not in the picture since the picture is taken with it) (about 130g).

- The keys to my warm and loving home (it's really warm because there's no AC) and my favourite key chain with little Stitches. And yes, don't go and try persuading me those are not Stitches, people already tried and it didn't end well, for them...  (about 20g).

- And the last and here actually the least - public transport card... (weight about 0, both literal and simbolic).

So, there's about 600 grams of weight in here, not to bad, you'd think. But add a bottle of water occasionally, and then he asks if he can put just his phone, keys and a wallet in your bag, then take a pair of flats to change from the heels or those new sandals that are still not broken in, add some snacks maybe... should I continue? I also always have gums, if you need them, but only Orbit blueberry, no mints and eucalyptus, too strong for me, just the kid's kind, take it or leave it. And you know what, the weight, the stuff and everything, I still wouldn't change a thing...

* Surely, when it comes to physics don't listen to me, physics and I not a great match, but I needed the laws or something and I know these are really serious, so there you have it.